Thursday, June 9, 2011

Mike Flanagan’s 20th Anniversary as the United States Naval Academy Head Coach......Congratulations Mike!!!!!

Mike Flanagan the greatest coach ever

I’m writing this well overdue entry to honour my rugby coach Mike Flanagan. Mike was my coach for more than 3 years during my academy days. When he first arrived in 91, I had no idea who he was, didn’t know he was a legend at Towson State and wouldn’t have thought that he would transform my game beyond my imagination.

This is his team
(and mine too)

This year is Mike’s 20th anniversary as the Head Coach at the academy. He was such a colourful character back then, and I’m sure he still is. He was loud, he didn’t mince his words, four letter words were synonym with him, he really was in your face kind of a coach. But above all those, he was a great coach who was really passionate about the game, a person who made rugby his religion and brought the academy rugby to a soaring new height.

This is Mike's 2008 Team
(they beat Army that year...yeah!!!!)

I am truly blessed that our paths crossed, an encounter that changed my rugby game forever. Mike was the one coach who catapulted my game beyond my own expectation. He pushed me hard, well he pushed everybody hard. But I really felt at home under his watch. I have such wonderful memories playing under his tutelage; I created some miracles while playing for him, we beat Army 15-12 at their home turf in 1992, I scored an unexpected try against Towson in the dying second to secure us the win during my Second Class Year season, the beating we gave Towson State despite the hype of them giving us a good fight during my final year, the incredible first game of Eastern Championships against Dartmouth although we then suffered a heartbreaking loss to Harvard, the sweet victory in the Cherry Blossom Tournament against Loyola Marymount enroute to winning the tournament, securing the highest scoring game against Clemson, the many pushover tries we scored due to our immaculate technique and strength in the scrum etc. In fact sometimes I wasn’t sure whether I was playing for the academy or I was playing for Mike. On one occasion, I was using crutches after suffering an injury in the first game, only to play the next day albeit with a heavily strapped ankle and could only run at jogging pace the whole game.... Mike made me feel that I could be Superman!!!!! Hahahahaha.......and an ample dose of painkiller did help as well.

This is how Mike's team play

One thing I never understood though. Mike never once scolded or yelled at me. Everybody else had their fair share of Mike’s piece of mind either during training or during the games. But he excluded me from the receiving end of his wrath. Maybe he took pity of me thinking that I wouldn’t understand his !@#$%^* words anyway:0. But he never meant to harm anybody and we actually became accustomed to Mike’s way of doing thing....... it was simply Mike’s way. And his way has produced wonders, absolutely! Mike’s way was never the easy way, everybody knew that. He made us ran till we dropped (ahhh.....the killer hill next to the pitch, such wonderful memory), the front rows like Vinnie Johnson would develop cauliflower ears due to the endless scrums the forwards had to endure every day, I was given at least 25 rugby balls everyday to spin at with my scrumhalf partner Darren Platz so that we could develop killer speed and accuracy in our scrumhalf passes, we would have scrimmage every Tuesday to polish our game conditioning and tactics, the killer sprinting we did at the end of every practice and many more. Killer routines all around..... you bet. And above all, Mike was the most brilliant tactician. He knew where our strengths lied and let us exploited them. Mike’s style of rugby suited me very well and I had nothing but fun on the pitch.... I felt at home every time I stepped into a game. I’m sure the hundreds of players who have had the pleasure of playing for Mike felt the same way.

This is the kind of results that Mike produces

So Mike, I know they are planning some incredible programmes to celebrate your incredible achievement. Have a great time, as I know you will. This entry is just my small way of saying how much I appreciate all that you have done for me. Coach, thank you from the very bottom of my heart. You are the best coach one can ever ask for. Congratulations on achieving this incredible milestone in your illustrious career.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Allergy Attack…Arrghhh!!!!

I decided to go swimming on Monday after more than 3 weeks of no physical activity. Final exams, semester break and a field trip to Singapore and Indonesia really kept me away from any meaningful exercise. The 40-minute session in the pool was really good and I could feel myself sweating profusely throughout. Should be good for the body right? Not this time as the next morning I started to feel lower back pain when I woke up. Dismissing anything amiss, I went to attend lecture as usual but instead of being able to shake it off, the prolonged sitting in less than ergonomic chair in the lecture hall led my condition to get worse. By the time the day session finished I was struggling. Even simple bending or twisting was becoming more painful than before.

The situation got worse and by bedtime I knew I was in trouble. I slept lying on my back the whole night without any possibility of rolling to either side. Imagine being in the same position for more than 6 hours. When I woke up this morning I decided that it was time to go see the doctor.

The waiting at the military clinic wasn’t bad as I was called into the doctor’s office not long after I “reported sick” at the counter. The examination was short and sharp. “Any allergy?” he asked, “No” I said. Off to the treatment room with a prescription in hand, and a jab shortly followed. I felt a little better almost immediately and drove back to my apartment.

As I sipped my coffee and read my newspaper, I started to feel this niggling itchiness around my eyes. Ops....am I allergic to the medication? Nahhh.....don’t think so. Within 5 minutes my eyes were all swollen and after consulting my chief nurse (my wife Lin) who is a veteran in allergy department (she is allergic to almost all antibiotics and half of the pain killers in the global inventory!!!!), I quickly put on my uniform again and drove back to the clinic.

Voltren is the culprit

I was attended to almost immediately upon checking in at the clinic. “Yes, you have an allergy here. Any difficulty breathing? Are you aware of any allergy you might have? Are you allergic to any painkiller?” All of which I said “No” to. Another jab and it was all done. Went back feeling sleepy and fell asleep until almost 2 pm. Still feeling groggy as I type this entry.

Red and puffy eyes......still there shortly after the second jab but the itchiness was gone almost immediately

Yes, I know now that I’m allergic to this “Voltren” and must remember to mention it next time before being prescribed with any medication. I guess remembering my childhood cartoon series “Voltron” would help me to permanently remember the name. Hahahaha ......

The city is slowly being swallowed by a heavy downpour. Perfect signal to jump back into bed. I was just starting to put another gear into my thesis writing before all this happened. Oh well, I guess Jawaharlal Nehru and his nonalignment foreign policy can still wait. Life is full of surprise!!!!

Heavy rain on the way to break the current dry spell

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Hello Pekanbaru

Logo Provinsi Riau
(Bumi Melayu Lancang Kuning)

Saya baru kembali dari lawatan sambil belajar ke Johor, Singapura dan Pekanbaru di Riau. Melihat perkembangan Indonesia Malaysia Singapore Growth Triangle (IMS-GT) adalah agenda utama. Selama seminggu melakukan lawatan ke Wilayah Iskandar, pusat latihan pegawai tentera Singapura, sebuah syarikat besar di dalam defence industry Singapura, Konsulat Malaysia di Riau, Pejabat Gabenor Riau, syarikat pengeluar minyak Chevron Pacific Indonesia dan syarikat akhbar tersohor di Riau dikenali sebagai Riau Pos banyak yang saya pelajari mengenai institusi di ketiga-tiga negara, dan kebetulannya saya perlu menyediakan laporan terperinci sekembali lawatan maka saya memang sentiasa perlu mencatit pelbagai maklumat dan data terperinci setiap lokasi dilawati.


Namun selain pengalaman daripada lawatan rasmi, saya sebenarnya lebih teruja untuk berkongsi pengalaman peribadi melihat kota Pekanbaru yang merupakan ibu negeri Riau. Memang ianya tidak semaju bandaraya KL atau Penang, tak juga seperti Johor Bharu, namun tetap mempunyai keunikannya sendiri. Kalau nak buat perbandingan, Pekanbaru sekarang baru dalam proses membina flyover yang pertama di dalam kotarayanya maka boleh bayangkan suasana trafik yang masih bercelaru dan sentiasa mengalami kesesakan. Saya duduk di hotel the Grand Jatra betul-betul di tengah kota Pekanbaru, mudah nak meninjau kerana tempat shoppingnya memang dekat dengan hotel. Tapi bukan saya dapat jalan sangat sebab jadual lawatan yang padat, tapi isteri yang turut serta mempunyai lebih banyak masa untuk merayau-rayau menghabiskan duit belanja yang saya beri. Ditambah pula ada isteri pelajar Indonesia yang menjadi host kepada isteri-isteri yang ada, maka bab menghabiskan duit memang tak perlu risau.

The Grand Jatra di tengah-tengah kota

Apa yang boleh dibuat di Pekanbaru? Rasanya kalau perihal shopping tak sehebat Bandung atau Jakarta (walaupun saya tak pernah sampai ke sana tapi bersandarkan ceritanya, Bandung dan Jakarta memang syurga berbelanja) tapi bagi barang-barang seperti kain lace, kain pelekat dan beberapa barangan lain masih lebih murah di Pekanbaru berbanding Malaysia.

Pasar Ramayana merupakan salah satu tempat shopping yang menarik

Riau adalah sebuah daerah (Provinsi mengikut istilah Indonesia) yang amat tebal dengan semangat kemelayuannya, terbukti melalui nama jolokannya Riau Bumi Melayu Lancang Kuning sehingga masyarakatnya melihat ungkapan Hang Tuah “Tuah Sakti Hamba Negeri, Esa Hilang Dua Terbilang, Patah Tumbuh Hilang Berganti, Takkan Melayu Hilang di Bumi” (dipetik dari website rasmi pemerintah Riau) sebagai asas kepada jati diri masyarakat melayu di Riau. Di Pekanbaru sendiri tersergam banyak bangunan kerajaan yang tinggi dengan nilai kemelayuan di dalam rekabentuk senibinanya, malah video promosinya silap-silap boleh disangka promosi mengenai adat budaya melayu di Malaysia, lengkap dengan nyayian dan tarian serta pakaian yang hampir serupa. Sejak menjadi wilayah autonomi tahun 2001 dan setelah berlaku pengasingan daerah Riau dan Kepulauan Riau sebagai dua daerah yang berbeza pada tahun 2004, Riau semakin maju ke hadapan. Saya sendiri agak terpegun melihat Pekanbaru yang begitu asing bagi saya sebelum ini. Berikut adalah antara yang saya perhatikan selama 3 hari di sana:

Ciri-ciri kemelayuan amat terserlah dalam rekabentuk bangunan pejabat Gabenor Riau ini

Pakaian dan budayanya yang banyak ciri-ciri serumpun dengan kita

~ Pekanbaru dinobatkan sebagai salah sebuah bandar terbersih di Indonesia. Memang bersih, tak boleh lawan kebersihan Singapura tapi usaha mereka memang boleh dibanggakan dan kita boleh belajar dari kejayaan mereka ini.

~ Riau merupakan salah sebuah daerah pengeluar minyak terbesar di Indonesia, namun carigalinya tertumpu di daratan di beberapa kawasan utama seperti Minas dan Duri. Banyak hasil minyaknya weh!!!

Hasil minyak sumber kekayaan utama

~ Masjid Agung An-Nur tersergam megah di tengah-tengah kota Pekanbaru amat saya kagumi kerana rekabentuknya yang teramat gah dan unik. Di sekeliling ruang solatnya yang luas dan di setiap tiang serinya yang entah berapa jumlahnya, terpahat ukiran ayat-ayat al-Quran selebar lebih kurang enam inci diperbuat dari tembaga. Wow!!! Sempat saya sembahyang Jumaat di sana dan melihat cara beribadat masyarakat Islam melayu Riau. Ritualnya hampir sama, dan khutbahnya juga amat bagus kerana khatib tidak membaca teks khusus. Tapi bab kena bagi duit saguhati untuk simpan kasut supaya tidak hilang....hmmmm. Derma ikhlas yang tidak ditetapkan nilainya.......Agak kurang bersetuju. Terdapat banyak juga masjid yang indah saya nampak di Pekanbaru yang kebanyakannya mempunyai persamaan dalam beberapa ciri rekabentuknya tapi kerana kesuntukan masa tak sempat melawat atau mengambil gambar. Satu kerugian bagi saya dan kalau berpeluang lagi memang aspek ini yang saya nak lihat dan tahu dengan lebih dekat.

Masjid Agung An-Nur Pekanbaru

~ Saya melihat kebanyakan bangunan yang tersergam indah adalah bangunan kerajaan. Terlalu jauh perbezaan antara keadaan bangunan kerajaan berbanding bangunan milik persendirian. Ada yang mengatakan setelah menjadi wilayah autonomi, pentadbir Pekanbaru mempunyai lebih banyak budget tapi kurang cekap menguruskannya maka berlaku ketirisan dan pengurusan kewangan yang tidak begitu efisyen. Entahlah ....... pastinya ini bukan sesuatu yang boleh dirumuskan oleh seorang warga asing seperti saya yang datang berkunjung untuk tempoh yang begitu singkat.

~ Akhbar di Riau sememangnya bebas melaporkan apa juga berita tanpa perlu risau terhadap pengaruh pemerintah atau pihak tertentu. Bagi daerah Riau sahaja saya difahamkan terdapat 17 akhbar harian. Adakah akhbar di sana lebih bebas berbanding akhbar di sini? Bagaimana tahap kematangan masyarakat dalam menilai berita yang disampaikan? Bagaimana pula tahap kamatangan akhbar sendiri dalam melakukan self-censorship. Itu adalah antara persoalan yang saya terfikir sepanjang lawatan ke syarikat akhbar terbesar di sana. Apa-apapun, berita lawatan rombongan yang saya sertai turut dimuatkan setiap hari oleh akhbar tersebut. Glamer lah juga......

Ibu pejabat Riau Pos

~ Indonesia berbangga sebagai sebuah negara yang mengamalkan ‘true democracy’. Perjawatan penting seperti Gabenor Provinsi, Datuk Bandar (Wali Kota), Pegawai Daerah (Bupati Kabupaten) semuanya dilakukan secara pilihanraya dan tempoh memegang jawatan dihadkan kepada tempoh tertentu seperti contohnya 2 penggal maksimum bagi Gabenor. Kalau di negara kita semua perjawatan di negeri dan PBT adalah secara lantikan. Kalau pendekatan sebegini boleh dilakukan di negara sebesar Indonesia, persoalannya mengapa tidak di negara kita? I know it’s not that simple but why not we consider it.

~ Makan......memang terbaik!!!! Bermula dengan jamuan tengahari oleh Konsulat Malaysia, seterusnya jamuan tengahari oleh pejabat Gabenor Riau dan jamuan tengahari yang kami biaya sendiri, sememangnya makanan di Pekanbaru sedap. Ikan patin gulainya, sambal jeringnya, sambal hijaunya, sambal kuininya…. perghhhh!!! Memang saya makan banyak semasa di sana. Tapi yang paling nikmat adalah jus buah-buahan yang teramat berkualiti dan murah berbanding di negara kita yang selalunya teramat cheapskate dalam menyediakan jus. Pada harga tidak sampai RM3 segelas besar saya rasa jus avocado, jus durian belanda (soursop) dan jus mangganya memang terbaekkkkkk!!!! Paling tidakpun kalau nak cepat dan sedap, bakso pada harga berpatutan memang senang didapati cuma kena berhati-hati di mana nak makan, saya biasanya memilih makan bakso di shopping complex atau restoran yang nampak bersih dan teratur.......takut kena food poisoning. Kepada mereka yang berniaga di Malaysia, kenapa ler buat jus yang ‘cheapskate’ tapi charge harga mahal, di Pekanbaru jusnya teramat berkualiti tapi kenakan harga ‘cheapskate’......baru betul!!!! We have so much to learn still, bila ler nak berubah agaknya.

Gulai patin (boleh cuba juga ikan baung yang dimasak cara serupa)

Sambal jering (atau jengkol)

My all time favourite.....jus avocado (dikenali jus alpokat di sana)

~ Satu soalan......kenapa Malaysian kalau ke negara luar atau bila berbicara dengan warga asing cuba mengikut slanga atau accent warga asing tersebut? Cakap dengan orang Indonesia accentnya pun ikut jadi Indonesian…Wah Bapak , hebat sekali!! Enggak ada diskonnya? Hahaha......tapi kita tak pula melihat orang Indonesia mengajuk accent kita, kenapa ye? Bila ke UK, accentnya mengalahkan orang British……Ohhhh, how wonderful! Would you like a cup of tea?......How are you mate? Itu bila jumpa Australian....Cool Man, whassup brother? .....American accent anybody? Kena buat kajian ni kenapa kita cepat sangat terikut-ikut cakap orang lain. Adakah itu maknanya kita ni cepat menyesuaikan diri dalam apa suasanapun atau adakah kita mempunyai krisis identiti sehingga merasakan hanya dapat berdiri sama tinggi bila bercakap seperti mereka. Tapi kalau melihat bagaimana sesetengah kita mencedok budaya Mat Salleh lebih dari Mat Salleh sendiri, boleh tepuk dada dan jawab sendiri. Ingat lagi semasa sekolah dulu, bila ada Mat Salleh belum kenal lagi siapa dah awal-awal lagi panggil ‘sir’. Bab yang suka ikut accent orang lain ni saya rasa kita kena ubah sikit untuk kebaikan masa depan. Ya, saya sendiri turut melakukan kesalahan ini tapi saya dah lama cuba untuk berubah.......cuma kekadang terselit sikit-sikit tu adat ler.....hahahaha.

~ Melencong sikit tapi rasanya tak lari sangat dari tajuk.....semasa di Singapura pemandu bas yang membawa kami mematuhi semua peraturan lalulintas di sana. Contohnya bila nampak lampu kuning dia akan perlahankan kenderaan untuk berhenti, tapi lain pula keadaannya bila memandu di Malaysia. Belasah jer walaupun lampu dah bertukar merah. Pelik kan? Begitu juga pemandu Singapura yang memasuki Malaysia dan mula memandu macam pelesit......adakah ini cuma sekadar melepas gian. Di Pekanbaru pula pemandu-pemandunya tak bawa laju tapi peraturannya lebih mengikut siapa berani dan siapa besar. Pemandu bas boleh memotong barisan dan menghimpit sehingga kereta terpaksa berundur bagi memberi laluan, bas membunyikan hon menyuruh basikal ke bahu jalan dan bukan cuba mengelak penunggang basikal tersebut. Kadang-kadang seriau melihat betapa dekatnya bas berselisih dengan kenderaan lain, dan pastinya kereta atau motor akan memberi laluan kepada bas kami.

Jalan utama di tengah-tengah Pekanbaru di mana flyover sedang dibina...sibuk memanjang

Secara keseluruhannya saya suka melihat keadaan di Pekanbaru. Penduduknya yang ramah dan mudah tersenyum, pekedai yang sabar melayan kerenah pelanggan tanpa mengeluh atau memasamkan muka, pemandangan di jalanan yang menceritakan seribu satu pengertian dan yang paling saya teruja ialah melihat potensinya, Pekanbaru sendiri dan provinsi Riau seluruhnya untuk menjadi sebuah daerah ekonomi yang maju dan berdaya saing. Memang masih terlalu jauh untuk dibandingkan dengan negara kita tapi tanpa sedar mereka semakin merapatkan jurangnya dan kalau kita tidak berhati-hati, kita akan ketinggalan akhirnya. Senario yang sama juga saya perhatikan semasa lawatan ke Ho Chi Minh City dan Hanoi beberapa bulan lepas, so wake up Malaysians!!!......ingat dulu ramai warga kita ke Singapura untuk shopping kerana barangannya yang murah dan kuasa beli kita yang tinggi. Macam déjà vu pulak melihat begitu ramai warga Malaysia berbondong-bondong shopping ke Ho Chi Minh City dan Bandung ketika ini. Adakah keadaannya akan berubah sebaliknya satu hari nanti? We’ll see and harap-harap tidak jadi begitu.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The end of my first semester

I have finally completed my first semester as a student. What a relief!!! It was a mixed reaction of happiness, anxiety and fear as I stepped out of the exam hall after the last exam. I know I have passed all the five modules but how well or how bad we just have to wait until the results are announced. I must say that being a student again has not been easy. Writing academic essays have not been easy but to my further surprise, writing in exams was even more difficult despite my hours of preparation. Now I know why it took me such a long time to complete an essay, and how much reading I had to do in order to come up with something relevant. I guess my being introvert and nervous (not to mention being an idealist on how I should write) put more pressure and posed some difficulties during exam…….but on the bright side I must say that I am quite happy with my overall performance. Some adjustment to be made in the second semester but I think I have done my best and I must be content with whatever results I will eventually get. Oh, God…please let me do well.

It's all mine.....yummy!!!!!

So immediately after the exam it was a treat of Cornetto ice cream specially reserved in the freezer just for the occasion. I know that’s sad…hahahahaha, but it was just what I needed. Then off to watch Fast and Furious 5, alone! Yup, the much needed space to keep my mind switched-off for two hours watching a movie which didn’t require much brain activity, while enjoying freshly-made popcorn and a refreshing glass of ice tea…….all in the comfort of a cineplex full of strangers. What did I remember about the movie?….Van Diesal has gotten chubby, could not remember which of the three girls in the movie was hotter, but for sure they all wore skimpy clothes to show off their super skinny figures………and the over the top ending of the heroes driving their sports cars around the city dragging an extremely heavy safe the size of a 20ft container….come on!!!! But I loved it!!!!!


The weekend has been full of family activities like splashing around the pool with my kids, singing our hearts out during a karaoke outing (it’s confirmed none of us will ever go singing in public), a birthday dinner for my lovely wife and just all around relaxing and enjoying the company of my family. I am truly blessed.

Looking back, I think I should have eased off a little and tried to enjoy life a little better and not be overly worried about the programme. Certain things will definitely have to change next semester. I know I will continue to study hard, I will continue to work hard in preparing my thesis (the part I enjoy the most about doing this course) but I will make sure I can sneak in more room for other things which will hopefully make life more meaningful.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Something To Ease The Dry Spell

This blog has been subjected to a prolonged dry spell due to my struggle to cope with the recent changes in my life and the inevitable challenges that tag along as bonus. It’s a preamble of excuse to myself and I don’t seek any sympathy in saying it actually. Life as a student again has been difficult to say the least but I have also learned to accept it and move on. Not my own words but cited from an advice given to me by an unlikely source. Alhamdulillah......God-sent help came in many forms.
I have been mesmerized by the experience so far. My introvert horizon is being stretched beyond my imagination. I make parallel of this experience to like a kid being placed in a room full of comic books. I’m just so fascinated with the subject that I just crave for more. The difference though, while a kid’s mind is like a sponge, mine resembles more of a strainer and I keep having to read and re-read the subject and still feeling somewhat lacking in my knowledge. And the lecturers were intimidating initially as they spoke the subject like they were born with it, in immaculate English as well mind you. One of them was even cited in one of the old books from my graduate course and that was like almost 20 years ago. Most have written books, some have appeared on TV, while some have academic credentials from the likes of John Hopkins University. And they have been nice, tough but nice. I guess I am really just a tiny little fish in a really huge pond.

But that’s not all. As it turned out, the fountain of knowledge goes even beyond the lecture hall. My course mates are the creams of their organization, having demonstrated their worth throughout their long and illustrious careers. As one of the youngest, (if not for this guy who hails from across the causeway I’d be the youngest) I felt inferior and intimidated most of the times when I started the course. I felt like an even tinier fish in a pond that was growing bigger by the seconds.

But then I realised that it was not the end of the world. There is actually so much to gain. I just have to look for the positive side of things, even in the face of hardship and despair. And to be honest, it is not always easy but it has been working for me so far. I take comfort in the little things, like admiring the view of KL skyline, monitoring the progress of the car park construction directly across from where I live, seeing this particular foreign security guard who salutes me every time I pass through the gate (have to ask him why one of these days), my limited success in shedding weight (3 kilos so far......yeah!), improving my endurance in swimming, hearing the laughter of my children, watching my wife perseverance in juggling the family affairs, taking sanctuary in comfort food like instant noodles, watching my rugby team slug it out in the league, basically just taking it all in and looking for the little hidden jewels in life which if we do not pay attention to will just simply pass by unnoticed.

You can call this coping, but I call it accepting and moving on with my life. It has not been easy but I hope that I’ll be okay, InsyaAllah.

Friday, January 21, 2011

From Comfort to Discomfort Zone

I had been on familiar ground for a very long time.  For many years I always felt quite comfortable with my working environment.  It was my home ground and I felt very much protected and secure in carrying out my daily activities.  The work scope and the challenges varied and changed over time, but I always felt I could manage it. And I did.  And eventually I ended up feeling very comfortable, too comfortable it scared me.  I was afraid I would become complacent, and I felt I needed a new challenge to stimulate my appetite for success.

Well, I got just what I asked for....... and more.  I’m now officially a full time student.  It’s been more than 15 years since I completed my degree and going back to learning environment requires some significant adjustment on my part.  And the subject of International Relations is very alien to me; realism, pluralism, constructivist, differences between neutral and non-alignment, state and actors, contemporary strategies....oh my.  Migration from engineering/logistics to IR......my head has been spinning just from the thought of it.  The lecturers are mostly prominent figures in IR world.  I just recently discovered that one of them was cited numerous times in a few old books from my undergraduate studies.  I was mesmerised just being in their presence.  And how about my classmates, everybody but one is at least a few years older than me.  One of them even has two grandchildren and has just recently held a wedding reception for his youngest daughter.  Some are just a few years away from retirement.....and I’m still about 15 years till mine.....wow!!!  I didn’t feel there was any room for me to share about the headache of trying to enrol my kids in Year 1 of primary school.  These guys are well beyond that already.  How about their working experience or academic qualification then?  Most have commanded big organisations, be it a battalion or a ship or an aircraft squadron, and have regular interactions with the top brass of their respective services.  Some already have masters in other fields and one I know has been pursuing his Phd which he has to put on hold until the end of this programme.  These are some bad-ass individuals, some in the true sense of the word due to the nature of their job in dealing with the unthinkable.

I was intimidated to say the least.  I had trouble breathing......literally!!!  I felt very small in the midst of this whole new environment.  I was inferior, in every aspect it seemed....The whole week had me struggling to comprehend the predicament I got myself into.  It felt impossible to come out on top.  I never felt such anxiety before.  One whole week of feeling like this and I knew I could not let this go on.  What would you do??  What would you do when faced with such obstacles.....???

It’s almost the end of the second week, and I can confess that I’m feeling much better now.  I am okay.  I feel confident, not of the outcome as it is ultimately in the hand of God, but of my perseverance and will to complete this.  A complete turn-around from last week.  Why and How?  The demons of fright, anxiety and intimidation are gone.  I got rid of them.  I know there are going to be some major obstacles coming my way.  I know I may not have the upper hand in many situations.  I am at a disadvantage in many ways.  I accept. 

But then, I do have some of my own strengths, some of which I feel will propel me to comprehend the challenges ahead.  I have accomplished some incredible feats in my life, and I wouldn’t have done so if not for my own strong points.  I have come to accept the card I got dealt with.  I asked for it in the first place.  This is God’s plan for me.  I just have to give my best and leave the rest to Him.  And slowly I feel much more peaceful.  I begin to see situations where I actually have the upper hand, I begin to see the positive in even the most dreadful prospect, and I start to see that there is always something to be learned in every challenge.  I begin to see that it’s all about accepting, maybe ‘redha’ is more suitable word to describe this.  I am astonished at the speed of the transition and how good I feel now.  It’s not false hope I’m sure.  I know I still have mountains to climb.  But I have accepted that this is the situation I’m in, this is what I asked for, it’s going to be hard, I’m going to struggle.  I just have to try my best, exploit my strengths and just redha that whatever happens is not because of my lack of trying.  Wasn't this what I’d been saying to myself before every time I encountered hardship in life?  Yes indeed.  It’s just that when the bar is raised higher, sometimes self-induced doubt creeps in without my realising it.  Alhamdulillah I’m back on track and even more motivated and determined to give it my very best.  I know some of my colleagues are facing their own demons right now.  I hope they will eventually come to term and be able find the way to cope with the dreadful feelings.

I am glad I got this out of my chest.  I praise God for making me realise quickly what I should have already known and accepted from the very beginning.  This is what I will say to sum up this posting; just accept (redha with) your fate no matter how difficult and unfair it may seem, give your best to deal with it, ask for God’s intervention to grant the outcome you hope for...........and leave the rest to Him.  InsyaAllah that’s what I intend to do and I hope He will give me strength and courage throughout.  Amin.

Friday, January 7, 2011

The Three Faces Of My Daughters

These are the 3 faces of my daughters throughout the day for 5 days in a week. They begin their day bright and early to go to Sekolah Agama, then they have a short break before getting ready for their Primary School. After school, they have about one hour for shower and dinner and off they go for Mengaji Quran. Mengaji finishes at about 8.30pm, and they only have tiny little time then to watch TV, drink their milk formula and finally they go to bed at about 10pm (no need to pester them, physically they know they have to go to sleep). A little less hectic on Tuesday and Friday nights as they have no mengaji session.

Sekolah Agama Year 1

Primary School Year 1

Going for Mengaji Quran

My initial thought was..... that was so darn hectic. But children being children, they adapted fairly quickly and by the fourth day of school, they even reminded us not to come over during recess. I never had any doubt that my kids could hack it with this new routine. I knew it would be much easier for them to settle in, having the luxury of each other’s company in going through the routines. With most of the administrative matters at both schools are pretty much over and done with, they can now concentrate on their studies.

I did not doubt my girls’ ability to cope and they have proven their mettle so far; having fun at school, making new friends, and one of them even got a nice treat from her teacher for producing an exemplary work in class. What worries me is that it seems there’s very little time for them to play during the week. Definitely not after primary school as they arrive at home less than half an hour before sunset. In between schools is the longest free time, and even that’s not exactly free for them to play. I’m not even counting in the eventual homework they have to juggle within the little ‘free’ time they have. Anyway, all is not loss. The new KSSR (Kurikulum Standard Sekolah Rendah) has allocated two periods for Physical Education which is on Monday and Tuesday….so they get to play during these allocated times. I then realise that my kids, as well as the other kids, have the ability to somehow find ‘quality time’ to play despite their chaotic schedules. Children’s instinct!!!! Before school starts, during recess, even in class like comparing the content of their pencil cases, sharing their ‘bekal’ (what they eat during recess) and every little opportunity they can find time for it. That’s really children being children and really knowing what they want, and what their priority is...... to play.



No matter what, these kids know how to find time to play

So I am not going to worry too much. I know they will still find time to play no matter what. However, I still want to try to slot in fun playing time during weekend for them. It’s not all about how many A's they get, it’s not all about how well they do in exams, it’s not all about competing with other students. Those are important things for them, but having quality time to play is equally important as they have demonstrated.

I'm so proud of my angels

An equally proud Mama

Playtime even for a few minutes before going for Mengaji Quran

By the way, as I waited at the waiting area to fetch my kids after school yesterday, I saw a group of school children playing soccer using disposed Solivite bottle.......they had lots of fun. Yup, that’s what being children all about........so let them play.

Don't worry too much, we'll be fine