This blog has been subjected to a prolonged dry spell due to my struggle to cope with the recent changes in my life and the inevitable challenges that tag along as bonus. It’s a preamble of excuse to myself and I don’t seek any sympathy in saying it actually. Life as a student again has been difficult to say the least but I have also learned to accept it and move on. Not my own words but cited from an advice given to me by an unlikely source. Alhamdulillah......God-sent help came in many forms.
I have been mesmerized by the experience so far. My introvert horizon is being stretched beyond my imagination. I make parallel of this experience to like a kid being placed in a room full of comic books. I’m just so fascinated with the subject that I just crave for more. The difference though, while a kid’s mind is like a sponge, mine resembles more of a strainer and I keep having to read and re-read the subject and still feeling somewhat lacking in my knowledge. And the lecturers were intimidating initially as they spoke the subject like they were born with it, in immaculate English as well mind you. One of them was even cited in one of the old books from my graduate course and that was like almost 20 years ago. Most have written books, some have appeared on TV, while some have academic credentials from the likes of John Hopkins University. And they have been nice, tough but nice. I guess I am really just a tiny little fish in a really huge pond.
But that’s not all. As it turned out, the fountain of knowledge goes even beyond the lecture hall. My course mates are the creams of their organization, having demonstrated their worth throughout their long and illustrious careers. As one of the youngest, (if not for this guy who hails from across the causeway I’d be the youngest) I felt inferior and intimidated most of the times when I started the course. I felt like an even tinier fish in a pond that was growing bigger by the seconds.
But then I realised that it was not the end of the world. There is actually so much to gain. I just have to look for the positive side of things, even in the face of hardship and despair. And to be honest, it is not always easy but it has been working for me so far. I take comfort in the little things, like admiring the view of KL skyline, monitoring the progress of the car park construction directly across from where I live, seeing this particular foreign security guard who salutes me every time I pass through the gate (have to ask him why one of these days), my limited success in shedding weight (3 kilos so far......yeah!), improving my endurance in swimming, hearing the laughter of my children, watching my wife perseverance in juggling the family affairs, taking sanctuary in comfort food like instant noodles, watching my rugby team slug it out in the league, basically just taking it all in and looking for the little hidden jewels in life which if we do not pay attention to will just simply pass by unnoticed.
You can call this coping, but I call it accepting and moving on with my life. It has not been easy but I hope that I’ll be okay, InsyaAllah.