Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Chaotic Brain Activity

Just a little whining on my part.  Been glued to my computer for over two weeks now, spending literally every available seconds to tap on the keyboard with the hope that credible and meaningful sentences will appear on the screen.  Countless number of books about India scattered on the desk and on the bed, with hundreds more journals being opened, read, cited and closed again, repeatedly for God knows how long.   Thesis oh thesis.......Today has been the longest marathon by far.  Since 10am this morning till 2am, with just short intervals for things that I needed to keep me human ie eating, drinking, praying, going to the loo, taking a shower, calling my family etc.  My back is killing me. In fact today (no....yesterday technically since it’s 2.12am now) I actually had to juggle between thesis and group fun!!!

Sleeping has been a luxury I can’t really afford.  But I need the sleep. Going to bed between 1-2am every day and waking up at about 6.40am.  No afternoon nap.  The result; fully charged and eager to type and type without feeling sleepy.  Conclusion: That what stress and anxiety do to you.  I must’ve been thinking even when I’m asleep.

I keep praying to God to keep me healthy, to keep my mind sharp and hope his blessing will guide me through successfully through this self-inflicted ordeal.  I am thankful that I have a wife who supports me fully, and two adorable angels whose sweet little voice, indistinguishable over the phone, to keep me determined to stretch my endurance beyond imagination.

Been monitoring my BP, it's just a little high now.  Hope it will be okay when I wake up tomorrow.

Not complaining......just expanding what’s left of my brain activity before I head to bed.  Another joyful day tomorrow.....expecting another adrenaline-charged effort on my part to meet my Thesis Chapter deadline on Thursday.  Please makbulkan doa ku Ya Allah.  Amin.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Many Lessons From Death

When death occurred, there is no more lesson to be learned by the deceased.  By that time it could only be either regrets and despair, or joy and jubilation.  It all depends on the deeds while the person was alive.  When the scale tilt, where does it lead the person to...... to the pleasures of heaven, or to the deep suffering of hell, Nauzubillah.

The lessons of death are for the living.  It’s not an easy topic to write about, honestly.  I’m still pondering on the lessons of the recent experience of hearing about the death of a few people I know.  A colleague and a friend passed away a few days ago after a short battle with the unexpected disease of malaria upon returning from a foreign mission.  He was my senior in high school, and a colleague at my work place.  Though we were not particularly close, I’d known him for more than half of my life.  I had a long chat with him before he left for the mission a year ago, and that was the last time I saw him.  He was definitely a wonderful person and I’m sure he will be dearly missed by his family.  What lessons could be drawn upon by his wife who not only had to deal with his passing, but shortly after, the passing of her own father.  Subhanallah.  My sincerest sympathy to the family of Cdr Husaini and I hope Allah Almighty will bestow upon them strength and rahmah as they deal with this difficult situation.  And I pray that he will be placed under the grace of Allah and be rewarded with the pleasure of heaven for his good deeds, InsyaAllah.  Alfatihah.

I also heard about the death of a person I knew from a few years ago whose passing came at the hand of unscrupulous criminals in a neighbouring country.  A loss of life over a petty issue, at the hand of somebody who viewed life so lightly?  How do you draw lessons from such tragedy?  A Frenchman so full of energy and potentials, but his life journey had come to an abrupt stop.  My sincerest sympathy to his grieving family, and I do hope the responsible criminal will be brought to justice.

And just today, my course mate from Thailand, Anuchit Peerathamrongkul, had to learn of his father’s passing just a few days after returning from visiting him.  I could see sorrow in his eyes, I knew it as I had experienced it myself when Abah passed away two years ago.  As Anuchit made his way back to his homeland in Thailand, I pray that he and his family will have the strength while dealing with their losses.

The nation is also mourning the death of a Bernama journalist who was killed by a stray bullet in Somalia.  Noramfaizul Mohd Nor, who was part of a humanitarian mission to famine-stricken Somalia was 200m away from arriving at a place where he was being put up when the stragedy struck.  What lessons do we draw from this?  Definitely not those being echoed by the politicians at the moment.  I also pray that his mother who was especially distraught by the incident, the wife and the rest of his family will be bestowed with grace by Allah as they deal with this tragedy.

As I visited my father’s grave during hari raya, I also pondered on what lessons that I must draw upon from his passing.  It’s been two years but I still see the glimpse of his faces almost every day.  Subhanallah.  Alfatihah for Abah and I pray that he is doing okay in the afterlife.

So let’s draw lessons from the death we see, let’s draw lessons while we still can.  Let’s draw lessons that we can use to benefit us when the time comes when our own death will become the lesson for others.  I am still pondering, I am still learning my lessons, I think we all must.