My Ramadhan...What It Means To Me

Ramadhan is here again...I first started fasting when I was 7, completing a meagre 6 days initially. By the time I was 10, it had become part of my annual routine to complete the whole deal. I had no problem fasting even when I had to play full 80 minute rugby games. But the meaning of Ramadhan did not make much impact back then.....physically, fasting has never been that difficult for me.

......Yes, we've all heard the amazing benefits one can strife to gain during this holy month. It's a battle against Nafsu, it's time to quadruple our ibadah....tarawih, sedekah, taubat etc

......But really, when the tailors are all fully booked for baju raya order even before the month start (I am as guilty for trying to find a tailor for my baju raya a few days before Ramadhan, what am I thinking....I get that "are you crazy" look every time.) , it makes me wonder if I am doing this right.

......Then there's all this Ramadhan Bazaar craze that sweeps the country, and Muslims and non-Muslim alike swarm these bazaars to indulge in the food fiesta.....though at one point or another, some of the food goes to waste (Yup...been there, done that...I am just as guilty). I was told/I read that in some countries food business literally come to a halt during Ramadhan as most traders prefer to give sedekah (free food in our country means go eat at the mosque).

......The mosques are filled to the brim with "determined" Jamaah at the beginning of Ramadhan....but the number rapindly dwindles as the spirit of hari raya begins to creep in....hmmm. And some Imams who recite lengthy Quran verses during the Tarawih...I can still handle it at this age but I wonder if the old folks can remain khusyuk as they struggle to remain standing. (Yes, I can "kira dengan jari" the number of days I went for tarawih last year, though the number was a bit bigger if you count the tarawih I did alone at home).

......For what ever reason, I was inspired last Ramadhan to "try" these two adhoc resolutions; to stay away from coffee and to remain awake after sahur (I got up at about 5.15am for sahur). Surprisingly, I almost succeeded in my attempt to refrain from coffee (I had coffee once during Buka Puasa invitation) and as far as I could remember, I had managed to resist going back to sleep after sahur. The additional time I had in those early mornings were effectively used to clean up the house, to prepare susu for my daughter, to take out the trash and to do other chores...

......I also did this though it was not part of the resolution; I eat light meal for buka puasa, went for tarawih and had dinner later after tarawih. It felt better as I was normally not sleepy during the prayers, and I lost weight!!!!

......So this year, I guess I must do better...both spiritually and physically. I have no excuse really, with the syaitan being chained...it's the battle between me and my Nafsu, and subsequently it's my great opportunity for "self-reflection".

......So these are the important things for me this Ramadhan....and I guess I'll brave myself to review my own performance once the month is over....

1. I will refrain from coffee and I will not go back to sleep after sahur.

2. I will reduce the trips to ramadhan bazaar, and exercise moderation if I do go there (the once a year popiah and kuih talam will be my biggest challenge).

3. I will go to tarawih more often; the number of tarawih I go to must exceed all my jari tangan..:)

4. I will stick to my buka puasa routine; kurma, drink and light meal....go for maghrib, isya and tarawih...then only the proper meal. My sahur routine shall remain the same; oat meal drinks or other similar drinks.

5. I will attempt at making my ibadat more meaningful; more khusyuk in my prayers, reading the Quran and yassin for myself and for Abah, do more ibadat that is more "people-related", less talk and more work (yup, lots of papers to write, just have to choose the ones which carry more impact).

6. I will find time to hang those pictures on the wall of my new house....lots of them. I guess this is my form of exercise for this Ramadhan.


Ramadhan is here shortly......and I hope these resolutions will help me to "hayati" the meaning of it better than I did the previous years. Amin.....